From here to there

Let me start by saying that finally, today, I think I'm officially over my cold. (knock on wood.) I didn't realize how sick I was until I walked into the office this morning and, after saying "Good morning" to the secretary she replied, "It's so good to see you're feeling better, Kevin." Apparently I was a real grouch last week. There was no fever, just lots of sinus headaches and worn-down body issues. But I had to keep teaching so I stayed doped-up on day-quil and saline nasal spray just to get through the day.

You never appreciate your health until you don't have it. And how appropriate that today is a warm and sunny day after a weekend of clouds.

I'm amazed that anyone reads my blog. I don't have anything earthshaking to reveal or any brilliant ideas on how to save the planet. It's really just me sharing various thoughts that could just as easily go in a private journal. Perhaps it's the exhibitionist in me that chooses to share. Or maybe it's in the vain hope that someone out there might have the exact same thoughts I do and therefore making my feelings that much more validated.

And perhaps it’s the voyeur in other folks that make them read this junk. Since I have nothing to hide, I have no problem in allowing them into my world as far as they care to read.
More than one person has privately e-mailed and asked how the hell I ended up in Topeka, KS. So I thought, since I don't have much else on my mind today, that I'd give a short run down. (with links to relevant sites and photos to make it that less boring a read)

After graduating from Wartburg in May of 2000, I was all but convinced that I'd never teach. But I knew that the loan companies didn't care what I did, as long as I repaid them for the money the gave me so I could get an education so I could be a teacher. So I enlisted in the Army. Uncle Sam had promised that if I enlisted for four short years (and who the hell could have guessed in 2000 where we’d be in 2004) they’d pay off my students loans in full. So I signed up for the easiest job I could imagine… 71L… an administrative specialist. Plus I got the bonus of enlisting as an E-4, a Specialist, and not a Private since I had 4 years of college.
Long story short, I only last 8-9 weeks. I broke my foot in basic and instead of recuperating and getting back into basic, the 3 weeks in the hospital gave me way too much time to reconsider and sort out some things in my life I hadn't really given much thought to. I discovered that music really IS that important to me and, maybe more importantly, I'm gay.

After leaving the Army, I took a month to get back into life before deciding my future. I took a long road trip to Colorado to visit my aunt who was dying of cancer and spent a few weeks with her. Then decided to head back to Iowa. I moved in with two guys I had lived with during my summers in college while doing concrete construction and landscaping in Cedar Falls. They were both straight. And one, in particular, was a redneck. Ironically, it was while living in that situation I could finally look in the mirror and say, "I'm gay." I remember the mirror with the crack through it. I remember the bathtub with impenetrable stains and the hole in the bathroom floor. It was that big of a moment.

I worked at a department store through the winter and spring, keeping my sexuality a secret from them, but still getting my first b/f, a swimmer from the university of Iowa, and after breaking up with him, going through my sluttish phase.

It was about March of 2001 that I decided I needed to do something. Anything. As long as I got out of Iowa. My good friend Jill from college (also my only girlfriend, ever, and the first person I came out to) lived in Kansas City. She convinced me to move down there. I planned to go to grad school at the Conservatory in Kansas City, but it was too late to apply for Fall 2001. So I moved down there and skipped around from job to job until I met a guy named Charlie. He lived 30 miles west of Kansas City in Lawrence. For that summer, I visited him a lot.

Lots of folks ask why I ended up with Charlie. And the simplest explanation is that he gave me attention in a town of non-attention giving men. (even when I wore my tightest t-shirt over my ripped abs, I STILL couldn’t get guys to buy me a drink… pricks.)

But I was Charlie’s first b/f. I knew pretty quickly that it was my destiny, as is the destiny of every first b/f, to break Charlie’s heart, the same way Patrick, the swimmer, broke mine. But I also made the mistake of signing a joint lease which made sure that we’d be together at least a year.

I got my first teaching job in Olathe (pronounced oh-LAY-tha), KS, a suburb of Kansas City. It was a SWEET job and I loved every minute of it. I was commuting the 45 minutes from Lawrence to Olathe because I had gotten the job just two weeks after I signed the lease in Lawrence and saw no way of getting out of it.
But I discovered pretty quickly that I have a knack for teaching elementary kids. I loved them, they loved me. The teachers loved me, the parents loved me, the principal even loved me. But I didn’t love me because I was stuck with Charlie.

I was lucky enough to meet a swell guy named Ted that summer of 2001 in Lawrence. He is, by far and away, turned out to be my dearest and most trusted friend. And I’m quite proud that we’re both gay men, who were both attracted to each other, and have NEVER slept together. (on a side note, it saddens me beyond belief that Ted is moving this summer to the pacific NW).

Ted helped me through that year I was stuck with Charlie. I finally had the gumption to break up with him in May of 2002, and I promptly moved to a rockin’ apartment in Olathe. It was a killer find. It was 1000 sq ft, two bedrooms, a huge living room with wood burning fireplace and a large private patio for only $450/mo. I loved it more than I can tell you. And that summer of 2002 saw the return of sluttish Kevin.

Charlie and I tried to stay “friends,” but the guy was everything I wasn’t. His only passion in life is video games and Buffy. Two things I couldn’t stand. He had no social life and hated his job but had no dreams of anything better. My most vivid memory of the relationship is me playing the role of activities director with him. It was always my job to think of something to do. And since my idea of fun usually involved leaving the apartment, he usually wasn’t game.

But Charlie was heartbroken and he usually cried when I saw him. Because I felt so bad for him I told him we’d give it another go. But this time, I didn’t move back in. He was in Lawrence, I was in Olathe. And I admit, I wasn’t faithful… by any stretch of the imagination.

We went to a Christmas party hosted by an acquaintance of his in Topeka, 70 miles west of Kansas City. At that party I met a guy named Dustin. And then and there I decided it was time to trade Charlie for a nicer model of a boyfriend. (I usually make the comparison of trading up on a vehicle, but that’s a bit demeaning… but somehow true. I liked Charlie, but I liked Dustin a WHOLE lot more.)

So I broke up with Charlie in and after Christmas, started dating Dustin.  He was a go getter, he had dreams and did not play video games or watch Buffy. Plus he was a Dad. And from what I could tell, a very good Dad. And I can’t tell you how much respect you get from me when I see you’ve raised well-adjusted children. Edit: That's until I discovered he was a sociopath and literally none of that was true. 

I stayed in Olathe until my lease was up that next summer in 2003 and then decided to move in with Dustin and his daughter that summer. But I kept my job in Olathe.

For one year I made the commute from Topeka to Olathe because I loved that job so much. But the 140 miles every day wore on my psyche. And with great pain, I quit Olathe and got a teaching job in Lawrence… a very sub-standard school district compared to Olathe. Olathe had money, Lawrence does not. Olathe had administrative support, Lawrence does not. Olathe had real classrooms, Lawrence has portables. But I only have a 25 mile commute now.

I miss Olathe almost everyday. But I still love teaching. And I honestly hate living in Topeka.

Now, if you’re straight, married, have children and attend church every Sunday, you’ll LOVE Topeka. You’ll especially love it if you’re a blue-collar guy. LOTS of factory jobs in Topeka.

And you can get a really big, really inexpensive house there. But if you’re a gay atheist artist… good luck.
We’d love to move to Lawrence. It’s a very blue dot in a very red state. All the liberals and artists in Kansas seem to flock to Lawrence. And because of that, it’s pushed housing prices WAY above state averages so we are a bit stuck in Topeka right now.

So there. THAT’S how I landed in Topeka. Will we be there forever. Heaven’s no. Thank-god Dustin has ambitions beyond the Good Year tire plant. And Thank-god he’s working to get there. EDIT:  Again, untrue.  He was/is a sociopath who lies to get what and who he wanted. 

Again, congrats if you actually made it through this somewhat boring post.