That title would have been more humorous had I left out the comma. But I try to be a stickler about those things. Just last week the director of the Lawrence Children's Choir had her picture on the cover of a women's magazine along with a different photo of children-made snowmen. The caption read, "Director of the Lawrence Children's Choir Janeal Krehbiel, a festive and rotund snowman."
For the record, Janeal is about as big as my little finger.
Moving on.
It doesn't seem that long ago, but this summer marks 7 years since I've moved to the great (ahem) state of Kansas. I've been back to my old college stomping grounds of Iowa about three times in those seven years. Once was shortly after I actually left Iowa, I went back for a college roommates wedding. Then it was several years, and I went up for Wartburg's Homecoming. BIG mistake. Lots of rehashed memories of why I wanted out of Wartburg so bad.
And the last time was a couple weekends ago.
Of all the friendships I've made in my life, the longest in-contact friend has been Vic. This year marks our 10-year anniversary. (you can send gifts for us to my home.) It's one of those great friendships where we won't see each other for literally years and pick back up where we left off. But we call each other every month or so just to check in.
I picked a helluva weekend to head to northern Iowa. I watched my cars thermometer drop from 27 degrees all the way to 4 degrees, in sunlight, over the 6 hour drive.
The high on Saturday was -1. Yea, Iowa winters!
It was an awesome three day visit. We traveled to Cedar Falls and visited the mall where I worked at Von Maur. Ate at Hu Hot. (mmmmm) And spent a couple hours visiting an old college roommate, Chad, and his wife and kids.
Speaking of kids...
I love Vic to death. He's a great guy. Great friend. But he's no Rhodes scholar. He was a jock growing up. (funny. both these guys I visited are former jocks. And I'm as far from jock as you get. hm.)
But his 5 y/o son is some sort of genius. I know everyone thinks their kid is the smartest kid ever. But I seriously think this kid's the real deal. He has a memory for facts like I've never seen in a 5 y/o. He knows all the presidents, their vice presidents, where they're from and little details about their life. You can give him any number between 1 and 43 and he can tell you what president that is. He knows all the states, their capitals and their state mottos. For *fun* this kid likes to do math.
How this kid came from Vic I had NO idea. Maybe it's karma's way of giving back to Vic. He's a special ed teacher.
Here's a few pics.
Having breakfast at his wife's parent's house:
His in-laws are the best. Vic and Katie didn't have room for me in their house so the in-laws let me shack up there. It was the same bed I slept in while I was homeless for about two-weeks before I left for the Army.
Playing our favorite game Cathedral. (for some reason, no one else has ever heard of this game.)
While I was there, they hounded me for decorating advice. And apparently Katie couldn't wait to get started once I helped her pick out new colors.
I'm telling you, cream or beige walls and white trim will transform any room. Vic later called to tell me he was in the middle of redecorating hell. (you'll thank me later.)
And official pose. I look fat in this pic and my hair was smashed down. But at least I still have my hair. (it gives you a look of maturity, Vic)
And I got to drive through a blizzard on the way home. A proper send off. When it started letting up I snapped this.
Just for fun's sake, here's a Vic and Kevin pose at my first marathon that he convinced me I could run back in '99. (and yes, I finished.)
Here's one of Chad corrupting me in '98.
Here's was the one weird part (in my head only) of the whole trip.
See, Vic is married, has two kids a wife and dog. Chad has two kids a wife and a dog. Both of them have good jobs and live in nice ranch style houses they own.
That was supposed to be my life.
Before I came out, I had built up this fantasy of what I should do in life.
I should get married to a nice gal. Settle down in a nice ranch style house. Have two kids and get a dog.
Be "normal."
And while I understand there's no "normal," it was just odd seeing old friends living the life I had completely sold myself on. And though I'm glad I came to the understanding of who I am and understand how miserable I would have been being married to a woman, it sure would save on awkward situations like that last post.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
outting
I'm very excited. This is the first post I've gotten to use a double entendre in the title.
I teach between two schools. One is in the middle of Lawrence straddling the hipster/artist and old professor neighborhoods. At parent teacher conferences you'll see a dad in a tweed jacket waiting next to a gothish, dread-locked mom. I guess what I'm saying is that it's liberal.
The other school it way out in the country. Until the 90's, it was it's own district. All the farmers' property taxes went right to that little school. Then when the farmers started leaving, the school was strapped for cash and sucked in by the much larger Lawrence Public School system. The families around that school are the kind of families who have grandparents who went to that school. And the teachers there taught those grandparents. I guess what I'm saying is that they're not big on change.
It probably goes without saying that I feel more comfortable opening up about my personal life at one school more than the other.
I've only discussed my private life with exactly three co-teachers at the country school. And apparently it was enough to scare two of them away.
The community is so close knit out there that you can't drop a pin without the rest of the school and every parent knowing about it. So mums the word. Especially when nosy parents who are well-enough intentioned, and from whom I need support, get to asking questions like, "So when am I ever gonna meet this wife of yours? It's been four years now and still haven't seen her!"
This only tells me that they're talking about it when I'm not around.
Well, last week, they were given something else to talk about.
The beginning of this school year I came out to one other colleague. She's a traveling social worker for the district. She reminds me of my friend Jill from college. So I immediately liked her. And when I found out her best friend was as gay-as-a-picnic, I felt OK coming out to her and sharing a bit about my life.
Then, last week after school, I was cornered on the playground by a nosy parent and a couple teachers. We were basically talking shop when one of the parents shared that she was working as a para educator at another school. She mentioned something about a music colleague of mine whom I co-teach with occasionally. But instead of using the word colleague, she chose the word "Partner."
The social worker was close by and only overheard a bit of the conversation. She comes over and says, "You're partner works in the Lawrence Schools? I thought he had a good job at Goodyear and that's why you too stayed in Topeka?"
My eyes got big as I looked at her and said, "Um, my MUSIC partner at PINCKNEY. SETH."
She could tell by the horrified looks on everyone faces that she'd just accidentally outted me and then quickly found something she needed to be doing leaving me to worm my way out.
After a second of silence I said something about needing to get to the gym. I'm sure they interpreted that to mean "Have anal sex with a man."
Coincidentally, earlier that week I scheduled hetero on Friday with Trainer/Friend Beth. An 'outting' if you will to celebrate her new job (Yea Beth! You're a big girl now!) And oh, the things you straight boys could learn from us fags.
Beth to Kevin: "That was the best date I've had in over a year."
Here's my date rules:
1. Pick her up.
2. Bring flowers. Tulips are always classic.
3. Open her car door.
4. If you're going casual, sit at the tables by the bar. Usually faster service anyway.
5. The conversation should be 30% about you, 70% about her. Of you're 30%, you need to spend at least 5% on compliments. But not more than 10%. Then you seem desperate.
6. Alcohol is good.
7. Don't stare at the other girls (or boys) in the restaurant.
8. Eat like a lady.
9. Casual touching is OK in the restaurant. But save the drunken groping till you're in private.
10. Pay for the meal. (sorry Beth, I broke this rule. But you're rich now.)
11. Take her home. Don't go in unless you're invited. And don't go in at all if it's the first date.
12. Wait till she's safely inside before you drive off.
13. If you had a good time, screw the "wait three days till you call" rule.
If you boys could just follow these rules, you'd get a LOT more call backs.
sidenote: works for gay men too. Just replace "girl" and "her" with "gurl" or "the queen"
I teach between two schools. One is in the middle of Lawrence straddling the hipster/artist and old professor neighborhoods. At parent teacher conferences you'll see a dad in a tweed jacket waiting next to a gothish, dread-locked mom. I guess what I'm saying is that it's liberal.
The other school it way out in the country. Until the 90's, it was it's own district. All the farmers' property taxes went right to that little school. Then when the farmers started leaving, the school was strapped for cash and sucked in by the much larger Lawrence Public School system. The families around that school are the kind of families who have grandparents who went to that school. And the teachers there taught those grandparents. I guess what I'm saying is that they're not big on change.
It probably goes without saying that I feel more comfortable opening up about my personal life at one school more than the other.
I've only discussed my private life with exactly three co-teachers at the country school. And apparently it was enough to scare two of them away.
The community is so close knit out there that you can't drop a pin without the rest of the school and every parent knowing about it. So mums the word. Especially when nosy parents who are well-enough intentioned, and from whom I need support, get to asking questions like, "So when am I ever gonna meet this wife of yours? It's been four years now and still haven't seen her!"
This only tells me that they're talking about it when I'm not around.
Well, last week, they were given something else to talk about.
The beginning of this school year I came out to one other colleague. She's a traveling social worker for the district. She reminds me of my friend Jill from college. So I immediately liked her. And when I found out her best friend was as gay-as-a-picnic, I felt OK coming out to her and sharing a bit about my life.
Then, last week after school, I was cornered on the playground by a nosy parent and a couple teachers. We were basically talking shop when one of the parents shared that she was working as a para educator at another school. She mentioned something about a music colleague of mine whom I co-teach with occasionally. But instead of using the word colleague, she chose the word "Partner."
The social worker was close by and only overheard a bit of the conversation. She comes over and says, "You're partner works in the Lawrence Schools? I thought he had a good job at Goodyear and that's why you too stayed in Topeka?"
My eyes got big as I looked at her and said, "Um, my MUSIC partner at PINCKNEY. SETH."
She could tell by the horrified looks on everyone faces that she'd just accidentally outted me and then quickly found something she needed to be doing leaving me to worm my way out.
After a second of silence I said something about needing to get to the gym. I'm sure they interpreted that to mean "Have anal sex with a man."
Coincidentally, earlier that week I scheduled hetero on Friday with Trainer/Friend Beth. An 'outting' if you will to celebrate her new job (Yea Beth! You're a big girl now!) And oh, the things you straight boys could learn from us fags.
Beth to Kevin: "That was the best date I've had in over a year."
Here's my date rules:
1. Pick her up.
2. Bring flowers. Tulips are always classic.
3. Open her car door.
4. If you're going casual, sit at the tables by the bar. Usually faster service anyway.
5. The conversation should be 30% about you, 70% about her. Of you're 30%, you need to spend at least 5% on compliments. But not more than 10%. Then you seem desperate.
6. Alcohol is good.
7. Don't stare at the other girls (or boys) in the restaurant.
8. Eat like a lady.
9. Casual touching is OK in the restaurant. But save the drunken groping till you're in private.
10. Pay for the meal. (sorry Beth, I broke this rule. But you're rich now.)
11. Take her home. Don't go in unless you're invited. And don't go in at all if it's the first date.
12. Wait till she's safely inside before you drive off.
13. If you had a good time, screw the "wait three days till you call" rule.
If you boys could just follow these rules, you'd get a LOT more call backs.
sidenote: works for gay men too. Just replace "girl" and "her" with "gurl" or "the queen"
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