sleeeepy

First let me inform you all that ANYONE can now comment. I realized after someone e-mailed and said they would comment after they got a membership on eblogger that I had my settings screwed up. It was a pretty easy fix.

And even though I fancy myself fairly handy with a computer, the words "HTML code" scare me in a way that Superbowl parties scare me. They both involve languages I can't speak.

But I was able to write in some code to make my page just a bit prettier. (small golf clap, please.)

I can sum up my favorite part of summer break (or any break, or weekends, for that matter) in one word. Naps.

For anyone who knows me, you know I'm a sleeper. I friggin love to sleep. And I feel SO good after a nice 10 hour sleep or a 2 hour afternoon nap... Preferably in a beam of sunlight. (btw, off topic, that pic was snapped by my roomates in my favorite bedroom of all time. It was small, efficient and got GREAT afternoon sun. My mom made the curtains and in-fact, I still own everything in that pic except that lamp.. rest it's cheap wal-mart soul) I'm not sure why, if it's just because it's hard-wired in me, or if it's because I have such vivid and awesome dreams that make my waking world pale (comeon.. When am I ever really going to get the chance to fly in a car or jump from mountain peak to mountain peak in real life?).

And for the longest time, I used to be the fellow who would fall asleep the minute his head hit the pillow. In fact, my freshman roommate commented that I slept more than any other person he'd met. (I didn't put much stock in the comment seeing as how he graduated with 15 people and lived in a down of 200.)

But lately, for some unknown and somewhat disturbing reason, I can't fall asleep at night. It's been going on for a couple years now.

Dustin has made remarks to the effect of "what are you feeling guilty about?" which again, I don't put much stock in, even though, in typical Kevin style, I overanalyzed it and that comment alone kept me from falling asleep.

Even when I was with my ex, whom I detested and was counting the days and calculating my escape from, I slept fine. In fact, it pissed him off to no end that I had no problem falling asleep while he would lay in bed, sighing heavily, until he'd get up and go watch Buffy reruns.

These days, though, I just can't shut my brain off at night. I have no idea what I USED to think about when I fell asleep. I know I've always made lists in my head. But that never stopped Mr. 40-Winks from finding me.

I'm usually VERY good about getting big things done that need to get done, just for fear that it will keep me up. And today, I got my last big thing done. I got my new contacts which have been awaiting my pick-up since November. It's a long story, but I was afraid that, once again, it would take 5 visits to the eye doctor before he'd hand them over. He takes his job too seriously. He's an OPTOMITRIST for christ's sake. He treats me like I'm a parent trying to adopt and he has make sure I'm a fit parent for these damn lenses.

Granted, I'm also a forgetter... BIG TIME. That's one reason I can't hold a grudge. I completely forget I'm mad at someone. There are only three people alive in this world that I have not forgotten why I don't want any contact with them.

To avoid libel suits, I'll approximate names here.

One is a kid I went to elementary school with. His name was Flint Keamann. His dad owned the one and only car dealership in our town. The kid just thought his shit didn't stink. But for some reason, he thought mine did. Not only was he the ONLY kid who ever made fun of me to my face when I was bald from chemotherapy. But then, in junior high, he pissed on my gym clothes (to which the P.E. teacher nonchalantly said, "well, I GUESS you don't have to dress today.) Then he put exlax in my lunch dessert. And even if he's joined the preisthood, I'd just assume he was defiling young boys.

The other is a girl from H.S. Her name was Shisha Tear. I mostly hung out with her in H.S. because she was the only one who would do "cool" things with me. (I take that back. It was pretty cool stealing road signs with Adam.) But she was flaky as hell and I was ditched by her more times than a short-self-conscious-over-weight-closeted gay boy's ego could handle. But the kicker came in college. Living 8 hours from home meant a clean start for me in college. I had good friends, but I always talked about my friends from H.S. Mostly Shisha, Adam and Jacquelyn (check the previous post's lists for more info on these folks.) And I REALLY wanted my new college friends to meet them. Well, Jacquelyn had her life at college and I actually went to see her once. (great party Jacquelyn.) But I Shisha had made plans to drive up with Adam to see me one long weekend. Since Adam didn't have reliable transportation, the whole gig depended on Shisha. And the day before they were going to drive up, I called Shisha to confirm plans and she said something to the effect of "oh, yeah, well, I can't do it now.. I have to go, um, you know, to, yeah."

And that was the last time I talked to her. That was 1997.

The third person is my Dad. And that's some dirty laundry I'd rather not air here.

But other than that, I'm over things pretty darn quick. Simply because I forget. But big things, I don't forget.

Sure the house still needs to be painted, the lighting fixtures need to be replaced and the yard isn't done and sometimes I think about all the things I'd like to do to the place, but that's way down the list since that all costs a pretty penny.

But you'd think on summer break when the most I really have to worry about is getting my dog's anal glands cleaned (which, holy cow, is quite the experience... yum) I'd be able to fall asleep great!

Alas, tis not so.

So, in my typical fashion of over-thinking, I'm wondering, am I now my ex? Is Dustin plotting his escape? (Edit: No.  He was just being a sociopath.)  Am I being the naive one? Should I look into Ambian?