bionic woman

My mom rocks. She'll do anything for anyone within her power and try even if it's not. She's the kind of mom that will make a great grandma.

So it sucks that life has dealt her the hand it has. Since 1996 she's had countless surguries trying to fix all the crap that's wrong with her body. In the last year alone she's had 5 surgeries. And even with all the cutting, there's things that can't get fixed. Like this condition called Neuropathy that is slowing robbing her of all sensation below the waist. You can stick her foot with a hundred needles and she can't feel it.

Plus there's the two types of arthritis she can't fix either.

And she's only 62.

The lady who directs the children's choir I work with is also 62. And she complains about her aching muscles after her yoga and pilates classes or after her two hour power walk. I want to smack her and tell her to shut up and be grateful she can even feel the aching muscles.

Mom had yet another surgery last week. So after coming home from St. Louis I headed back to take care of her for a couple days.

While I love her to death, she's completely frustrating to try to take care of. She doesn't want anyone to help her.

Even when people are there and offering she refuses the help which leads to more injuries. And she lives in a hundred year old house that wasn't ever meant to be handicap friendly. Not to mention that the house is almost an hour from any family.

I can understand that she's been in the house almost 40 years and doesn't want to leave. It's what she knows. It's what she's comfortable with.

And, honestly, it's the last bastian of what her life used to be: A woman who would take care of herself, her family and her home.

She's only 62, an age when most people are just about to pay off their house and look forward to enjoying that house in a few years when they retire.

But the house isn't paid off because of left-over crap from my dad's bad business deals that fell on my mom's shoulders (beware the co-sign) and she can't retire because she's been forced to go on disability.

Most of the burden has fallen on my sister since she's the closest and most willing to help. I'm sure it pisses her off because I live far away. But no one could have forseen just 12 years ago when I moved away that mom would be where she is now.

I wish there was good news for mom, but there isn't. I just wish she'd take the help being offered, and stop being depressed over her state in life.

Honestly, she needs counseling but refuses to admit she needs it. Damn stubborn independence.

I couldn't stay long in New Baden. There was a conference in Topeka of Choral Directors. I could have skipped it, but I was told by all my new collegues that I needed to go.

Especially since it was right here in Topeka.

All the Lawrence directors were there. I got overwhelmed by the information and the music presented and realized I hadn't read music in the bass clef for over 7 years.

But it was nice, for once, to go to a conference where I wasn't one of, maybe, three guys in a room like at the elementary conferences. And there were no denim jumpers with an "apple" iron-on and no cheesy vests covered with treble clefs.

More than anything, though, the conference felt like a giant pep talk for me.

When I heard about the opening for this job I have now, I wasn't even thinking of going for it. But the other secondary (that's j.h. and h.s. in lay terms) folks were pressuring me to go for it. And the only reason I went for it was because I wondered if I would *ever* have this kind of support at a new job again.

Going into the conference and even at this very moment, I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do it (and no, I'm not fishing for anymore pep-talking here) I've never taught J.H. Not even student teaching. It's been 8 years since I've had to teach SATB (soprano, alto, tenor, bass) music. But this week they (the Lawrence teachers) all reiterated that "you" are the one to fix this school and that anytime I needed any help of any kind that they would be at my side. It was almost surreal. I've never had this kind of offering of support at either of my last two jobs. But I still wondered if they did this for every new teacher. But I realized they didn't when a straight-talking H.S. teacher told me that I was the only one in that district who could do it. (this is the same teacher I met at Ted and Phil's several years ago.)

I made some awesome contacts. Not least of which is the new director of choral activities at KU. He offered to come in and help me recruit and come in and observe and give me pointers. And then he asked if I would be interested in his new three-summer conducting program at KU where I could get my Master's in choral conducting.

He's only taking 10 students.

Seriously. Surreal.

Friend Ted was right. Life starts at 30.

But tomorrow I head back to St. Louis. Mom, of course, doesn't want me to, but someone needs to be there in case something happens.

So shut-up, mom, and take the damn help.